Five Fast Things

1. I've been either listening or playing in my head Uprising by Muse for the past 3 days. Makes me want to start a revolution, who's with me?

2. I'm so lucky to have a job where I can read all night.

3. I finally completely cleaned out my wallet for the first time since I, uh, bought it. There were things from 8 months ago in there. Now it actually closes, but my work garbage can is literally filled to the brim. How did it all fit??

4. Driving on solid ice is not quite the danger people think it is. Be careful and conscientious, sure, but it does not require going 10 miles an hour on all stretches of road. Promise.

5. WHY is the peeptoe ankle boot style so popular IN THE WINTERTIME? Winter means snow and peeptoe means snow ON YOUR TOES. blech.

More Facebook statuses

I wish Twitter allowed more characters in a post. This is why I refuse to Twitter. About me, anyway. My dog's twitter is at twitter.com/shitmydogpoops

Recent statuses:

Should I: take up electric guitar, get a tattoo, or buy a motorcycle?

Feeling mildly pleased with myself for using a President's Day logo on my February calendar instead of Valentines day.

Pretty sure im driving on solid ice.

nothing like loudly cracking my knee on my desk to break the silence in the office.

I love it on Army Wives when Joan babyproofs the whole house (including upper cabinets) 6 weeks before it's due. Roland: "She's not gonna come out of the womb walking...let alone looking for coffee mugs..."

You'd think, preparing to attend my FOURTH college, I'd have this transcript-request think down pat. But it still takes forever for me to get all these done!

I wanna be Veronica Mars!

Dangit i need guitar hero warriors of rock!

Also, not appreciating my singing in the car being interrupted by the new potholes created by our snowplows.

Joann fabric is a cesspool of young moms and their heartbreakingly adorable small children.

I couldnt find my phone anywhere in my car. Why? I was using it to text. Fml.

There was a crown vic following me today. I was panicking trying not to give the cop a reason to pull me over. Then it passed me. It was a taxi. fml

Dad: you know what show i watched today? (tries to remember name) the gilmore girls! Me: long pause. Dad: i like the mom and, rory, well, she's really funny!

Dad: okay let's get technical for a minute. You know the uh...the web station? Uh... (Blank stares)...Oh, the internet!

My mom spotted some really short cowboy boots at kohls. Mom: wow! Aren't these cute? Me: for a 5-year-old... Mom: i'm gonna try them on!

I have Saturday night off...who's hanging out with me? (note that no one replied)

bagels but no cream cheese, bread and peanut butter but no honey, tortilla chips but no cheese. And my mom wonders why I don't bother eating at home.

You know, I like In Plain Sight, but I'm always just left with so many QUESTIONS at the end of each episode. It doesn't do a good job of tying up loose ends or fleshing out storylines. Or heck, even finishing them.

Pretty sure i'm getting carpal tunnel from guitar hero. Sad part? I've been playing on the easy setting.

The second dead spider on my ceiling is gone....crap.....was it really dead?....it was right above my pillow...

You what the ironic thing is? Working graveyard is so slow that i HAVE to get at least 8 hrs of sleep otherwise I'll fall asleep at work. Interesting.

sheesh. FINALLY got an invite to go watch Zags at five mile pizza. My mom called me when they were IN THE CAR about to leave. Thanks mom.

Lessons in Dating

So I haven't dated a ton of guys, but I have learned a few things. And since I'm still single, these aren't necessarily the way to find your forever companion, but ways to avoid the what-ifs.

1. Date a guy with a motorcycle. And learn a few things from him about types of bikes, just enough to hold your own in conversation.

2. If he doesn't love your pet as much as you do, don't think it will get better over time. It won't.

3. Just because he loves his mother/grandmother and is great with children does not mean he is "the one." But whoever you marry had better have these qualities.

4. While in a relationship, talk with your friends/family about the ups and downs if you wish, but keep in mind that while you can kiss and make up, they may not feel the same way about him in the future, knowing the bad stuff.

5. If he criticizes your favorite TV show more than once, despite knowing it's your favorite, run.

6. You're not a whore if you make out with someone you met that night and then never see them again. That could change if you sleep with someone you met that night and never see them again.

7. Hanging out with the girls is JUST as important as hanging out with your boy. Not merely important, or a nice thing to do, it's JUST AS IMPORTANT. Make sure you treat time with your friends and your boy EQUALLY.

8. Never text at the dinner table. This includes a nice restaurant, Pizza Hut, wherever. Don't do it. Learn to have a conversation.

9. Sexting IS cheating.

10. Don't date your co-workers unless you are okay with finding another job. Not saying you HAVE to find another job, but be prepared.

11. If a guy likes you, he will be okay if you have to reschedule a date due to work or prior commitment. Don't rearrange your whole life just for him...unless he has tickets to (insert awesome band here).

12.It's okay if a guy sees you without makeup. It's not okay if he's not okay with you not wearing makeup. Did you follow that?

13. Hotness is not everything.

14. If he's a big spender now, he'll be a big spender later, regardless of how much money he makes.

15. A boy makes twice as much of a mess as any girl. If you find an exception to the rule, Vegas is a quick flight from your nearest airport.

16. Hand-delivered, homemade brownies (or at least brownie mix) is an easy way to score a date.

17. Guys need an ego stroke once in a while, and they may not always return the favor. It's okay. They're guys, we're girls, we're different.

18. Believe what he does, not what he says.

19. Does he think his job is more important than yours? Bad sign, even if it is.

20. He may not understand, but I will if you ask to see a copy of his credit report. We gotta be realistic here. Even if your credit sucks, 2 people applying for a loan with bad credit is worse than one.

21. Can he change the oil in your car? Bonus.

22. Watching him learn to make an origami crane is possibly the best way to see how much patience he has.

23. Keep the money separate. If you get married and want a joint account, I recommend direct depositing equal percentages (not neccessarily amounts) of your paychecks into it, and keep the rest in your own bank accounts. By the same token, be fair about who pays for what. Just because he makes more money doesn't mean he should be covering all the payments so you can have fun with your salary.

24. A good rule of thumb to make dating easier is three questions: does he have a job? a car? his own place or plans to get one? Ultimately it's up to how much you like the guy, but if you have 2 equally awesome guys, go with the one you can answer yes to on these questions. I hope this isn't a shocker for anyone.

25. Don't date a guy with a scooter. Just. dont.

More to come as I learn them.