Five Fast Things

1. I've been either listening or playing in my head Uprising by Muse for the past 3 days. Makes me want to start a revolution, who's with me?

2. I'm so lucky to have a job where I can read all night.

3. I finally completely cleaned out my wallet for the first time since I, uh, bought it. There were things from 8 months ago in there. Now it actually closes, but my work garbage can is literally filled to the brim. How did it all fit??

4. Driving on solid ice is not quite the danger people think it is. Be careful and conscientious, sure, but it does not require going 10 miles an hour on all stretches of road. Promise.

5. WHY is the peeptoe ankle boot style so popular IN THE WINTERTIME? Winter means snow and peeptoe means snow ON YOUR TOES. blech.

More Facebook statuses

I wish Twitter allowed more characters in a post. This is why I refuse to Twitter. About me, anyway. My dog's twitter is at twitter.com/shitmydogpoops

Recent statuses:

Should I: take up electric guitar, get a tattoo, or buy a motorcycle?

Feeling mildly pleased with myself for using a President's Day logo on my February calendar instead of Valentines day.

Pretty sure im driving on solid ice.

nothing like loudly cracking my knee on my desk to break the silence in the office.

I love it on Army Wives when Joan babyproofs the whole house (including upper cabinets) 6 weeks before it's due. Roland: "She's not gonna come out of the womb walking...let alone looking for coffee mugs..."

You'd think, preparing to attend my FOURTH college, I'd have this transcript-request think down pat. But it still takes forever for me to get all these done!

I wanna be Veronica Mars!

Dangit i need guitar hero warriors of rock!

Also, not appreciating my singing in the car being interrupted by the new potholes created by our snowplows.

Joann fabric is a cesspool of young moms and their heartbreakingly adorable small children.

I couldnt find my phone anywhere in my car. Why? I was using it to text. Fml.

There was a crown vic following me today. I was panicking trying not to give the cop a reason to pull me over. Then it passed me. It was a taxi. fml

Dad: you know what show i watched today? (tries to remember name) the gilmore girls! Me: long pause. Dad: i like the mom and, rory, well, she's really funny!

Dad: okay let's get technical for a minute. You know the uh...the web station? Uh... (Blank stares)...Oh, the internet!

My mom spotted some really short cowboy boots at kohls. Mom: wow! Aren't these cute? Me: for a 5-year-old... Mom: i'm gonna try them on!

I have Saturday night off...who's hanging out with me? (note that no one replied)

bagels but no cream cheese, bread and peanut butter but no honey, tortilla chips but no cheese. And my mom wonders why I don't bother eating at home.

You know, I like In Plain Sight, but I'm always just left with so many QUESTIONS at the end of each episode. It doesn't do a good job of tying up loose ends or fleshing out storylines. Or heck, even finishing them.

Pretty sure i'm getting carpal tunnel from guitar hero. Sad part? I've been playing on the easy setting.

The second dead spider on my ceiling is gone....crap.....was it really dead?....it was right above my pillow...

You what the ironic thing is? Working graveyard is so slow that i HAVE to get at least 8 hrs of sleep otherwise I'll fall asleep at work. Interesting.

sheesh. FINALLY got an invite to go watch Zags at five mile pizza. My mom called me when they were IN THE CAR about to leave. Thanks mom.

Lessons in Dating

So I haven't dated a ton of guys, but I have learned a few things. And since I'm still single, these aren't necessarily the way to find your forever companion, but ways to avoid the what-ifs.

1. Date a guy with a motorcycle. And learn a few things from him about types of bikes, just enough to hold your own in conversation.

2. If he doesn't love your pet as much as you do, don't think it will get better over time. It won't.

3. Just because he loves his mother/grandmother and is great with children does not mean he is "the one." But whoever you marry had better have these qualities.

4. While in a relationship, talk with your friends/family about the ups and downs if you wish, but keep in mind that while you can kiss and make up, they may not feel the same way about him in the future, knowing the bad stuff.

5. If he criticizes your favorite TV show more than once, despite knowing it's your favorite, run.

6. You're not a whore if you make out with someone you met that night and then never see them again. That could change if you sleep with someone you met that night and never see them again.

7. Hanging out with the girls is JUST as important as hanging out with your boy. Not merely important, or a nice thing to do, it's JUST AS IMPORTANT. Make sure you treat time with your friends and your boy EQUALLY.

8. Never text at the dinner table. This includes a nice restaurant, Pizza Hut, wherever. Don't do it. Learn to have a conversation.

9. Sexting IS cheating.

10. Don't date your co-workers unless you are okay with finding another job. Not saying you HAVE to find another job, but be prepared.

11. If a guy likes you, he will be okay if you have to reschedule a date due to work or prior commitment. Don't rearrange your whole life just for him...unless he has tickets to (insert awesome band here).

12.It's okay if a guy sees you without makeup. It's not okay if he's not okay with you not wearing makeup. Did you follow that?

13. Hotness is not everything.

14. If he's a big spender now, he'll be a big spender later, regardless of how much money he makes.

15. A boy makes twice as much of a mess as any girl. If you find an exception to the rule, Vegas is a quick flight from your nearest airport.

16. Hand-delivered, homemade brownies (or at least brownie mix) is an easy way to score a date.

17. Guys need an ego stroke once in a while, and they may not always return the favor. It's okay. They're guys, we're girls, we're different.

18. Believe what he does, not what he says.

19. Does he think his job is more important than yours? Bad sign, even if it is.

20. He may not understand, but I will if you ask to see a copy of his credit report. We gotta be realistic here. Even if your credit sucks, 2 people applying for a loan with bad credit is worse than one.

21. Can he change the oil in your car? Bonus.

22. Watching him learn to make an origami crane is possibly the best way to see how much patience he has.

23. Keep the money separate. If you get married and want a joint account, I recommend direct depositing equal percentages (not neccessarily amounts) of your paychecks into it, and keep the rest in your own bank accounts. By the same token, be fair about who pays for what. Just because he makes more money doesn't mean he should be covering all the payments so you can have fun with your salary.

24. A good rule of thumb to make dating easier is three questions: does he have a job? a car? his own place or plans to get one? Ultimately it's up to how much you like the guy, but if you have 2 equally awesome guys, go with the one you can answer yes to on these questions. I hope this isn't a shocker for anyone.

25. Don't date a guy with a scooter. Just. dont.

More to come as I learn them.

Life Lesson #4,984,564:
Friends ask if you're okay.
Good friends are sitting in the cell next to you.
Great friends clean out their bank account to post your bail and tell you not to worry about it.

Poetic thought for the moment:
Don't cry when you're in handcuffs, there's no one to wipe your tears.

because I refuse to twitter

I've decided to post a list of my more recent Facebook statuses (stati for plural?) so that everyone can enjoy them. These have been made pretty much in the last few months:


Had the same conversaion with two separate people which confirmed the theory, "eminem is everyone's guilty pleasure."

I don't get Farkle. So you just roll the dice, and take a risk on whether to keep rolling or keep your score? Really? That's it??

I've had FOUR false sneezing alarms today. My nose hurts.

Aww found a baby worm in my vermicompost bin! They're thriving!

Why do "Power Assist" doors take twice as much exertion to open?

my friend rachel wyman drove over a curb and her muffler fell off! Plus her car is an older honda so without the muffler people keep trying to race her. Hahaha.

my parents left for the weekend (on a trip I did not know about) just in time for their dog to throw up EVERYWHERE. Guess who gets to clean it up.

heehee my dog HATES the ringing of the house phone. I'm listening to him howl at it now. It's soo funny.

Nearly killed myself when my foot snagged on a plastic bag in the bathroom and my head came within inches of the toilet. Im so clumsy, HOW AM I STILL ALIVE??

Saw fresh drops of blood on a downtown spokane sidewalk. Welcome home lindsey, welcome home.

Serves me right i guess, sprayed on perfume and immediately inhaled like half of it. Gross.

ahhhh. the satisfying accomplishment of a sneeze well done.

eew just found a dead, pressed bug inside my book.

I keep sneezing then having the sneeze turn into a cough, so it's like a double assault on my throat. Come on cold, go away!

I need to get my mom to stop shopping at Grocery Outlet. All we have is American Finest sliced cheese and Shopper's Value tortilla chips. Neither of those brands actually taste like Kraft or Tostitos.

"zapped the fabulous right out of him" -House on his gay-turned-straight patient

Luckily I know the House theme song well enough that I can play it in my head while I race to grab my pizza from the oven and not miss a single beat of the show.

forgot the bathroom at work has an automatic flush and it scared the bejeez out of me. sigh. I really have bad nerves. (and follow-up later that evening: yay! I remembered the automatic toilet flusher so it didn't scare me!! Sigh. Sometimes I wonder how I make it through life...)

~~~~

had enough? believe me, there's plenty more where that came from. Feel free to stalk my facebook, if you're my friend already. One lesson learned on this path to self-discovery (or self-facebookovery) is that a large number of my statuses involve sneezing. hahaha.

yes, my dog is a child

Five Fast Findings:

1. I posted a few weeks ago that I had finally re-entered the world of popular music. It's so fun listening to music that isn't from high school! Of course, everything that is now deemed "overplayed" is still new to me. I still like Teenage Dream by Katy Perry, and I'm in love with Our Kind of Love by Lady Antebellum. Give it time though, give it time.

2. Are you eating? K, don't read on until you're done. My dog's habit of dragging his butt on the ground apparently indicates he may need his anal glands "expressed." eew, but apparently what you have to do is press on a certain spot under his tail to release the buildup of what's described as foul-smelling fluid. Anyone who's ever met my dog, please feel free to cue laughter now. My dog doesn't even like his collar, let alone some crazy person (me) poking around his a**. After one try, he caught on and simply refused to expose his backside to me. I felt like a pedophile. The vet will have to do it when he gets sedated for his nail trimming (which is a whole nother post).

3. I've started taking Vitamin D, starting at 4,000 IU for a week then will reduce to 2,000, because the Oprah Magazine said it may help me shed abdominal fat. Well, I'm paraphrasing. Here's the article: Super D

4. Because I have so much free time at work to play on the computer, I've begun playing Facebook games. My favorites are Sorority Life, Frontierville and City of Wonder, in that order. I love Sorority Life because you get such cute outfits. I get the rush of shopping, but without spending the money! It's awesome, and I can change outfits a hundred times a day if I want. Here's my latest one, obtained by finding each piece of the outfit through my "sorority sister" postings on facebook:



5. I wrote my very own song this week. Well I didn't do it on my own, my friend Skyler helped me with it, but I wrote the lyrics and he showed me how to play chords on the piano for it and helped me come up with the melody. It was fun. I'm hoping to write another one soon. It's quite a catharsis.

but paying bills is so boring

Next Friday will mark the official arrival of my SECOND full paycheck and I'm a bit overwhelmed at the ways I could spend it.

Here are my top ideas, of which I'll probably only be able to choose one:
1. Have my dog's nails clipped - $100 (yes, $100: $10 for the clipping, $45 for the sedative to knock him out and another $40 to bring him back to life, plus tax. I'm not joking. And that's an improvement, vets used to have to GAS him because he'd fight the sedative.)
2. Real laptop - $300 (my current one is a cute little netbook but cute is about the best adjective for it. It's portable, light, has great battery life, but I'd like to use Photoshop without my computer roaring with laughter at me.)
3. Camera - $150 (mine died about 2 years ago and I made do with my cell phone camera, but the camera on my new phone has actually set mankind back a few years with its crappiness. I'd like new facebook pictures please, and it'd be nice to have some visual stimulation on this blog.)

However. Bills beckon. I spent $40 on two pairs of shoes this week (soo cute. I'd post pics, but see #3 above) but other than that my money went to bills. So the right thing to do is forgo all of the above and just pay bills. right...? Though Hiro's nails/claws/whatever are getting really long. So that could be classified as a bill, but Hiro's sheared claws can't take pictures of my friends playing Extreme Spoons and they sure can't then edit for red-eye in Photoshop. Decisions, decisions.