the toilet seat

Let me first start by saying, I'm pretty lucky. Calvin has never ever sprayed on the toilet seat as long as we have shared a toilet. He flushes every time without fail AND washes his hands. HOWEVER. He also never puts the toilet seat cover down. I feel ridiculous even writing this because most women would die of happiness if their husband not only didn't piddle on the seat, but remembered to put the SEAT down. Flushing is usually a lesson entirely its own. No no, despite the fact that I have a wonderful fiance who does all of this, I'm still complaining; about the toilet seat COVER.

See, every time you flush the toilet, thousands of tiny little droplets OF YOUR PEE get flung into the air, swirling around the bathroom and all over YOU. Did I gross you out a little? Good. I hope so. Put that toilet seat cover DOWN before you use it! It's for that reason I loathe using public restrooms. Sitting on a toilet shared with hundreds of strangers doesn't gross me out at all, it's the lack of toilet seat covers that freaks me out.

Oh! Oh! And I have another, valid reason to put that toilet seat cover down. Maybe this redeems me from being housewife-zilla. We have a cat. And as most cats are, Tucker just LOVES playing with the toilet water. He has fallen into, yes INTO the toilet countless times, after which he bounds out of the bowl and saturates the toilet seat with toilet water and dirty little pawprints. Thus, when I'm having an EMERGENCY and must get to a toilet THAT INSTANT, I have to grab a wad of toilet paper and hastily but thoroughly wipe off the toilet seat before I can sit down. One more thing. Sometimes I don't turn on the light before I go because it's AN EMERGENCY FOLKS. and I plop down on the toilet seat. Words cannot express the fear that strikes my heart when I realize the toilet seat is covered in some sort of liquid. eeeew. All of this can be avoided if Fiance JUST PUTS THE TOILET SEAT COVER DOWN! Right? Who's with me?