Maybe I'll get my doctorate in psychology someday

There have been several times in the last week where it's hit me suddenly and firmly, and I've once again known, FOR SURE, that I've finally chosen the right major. I've been on the fence between psychology and communications for a long time. I was an official communications major at Westminster College of Salt Lake City in 2006 even, but then I took a psych 101 class. Granted, I had a fantastic teacher (I'd say 70% of Westminster's teachers really knock it out of the park. The other 30% almost negate that, but if you get a good teacher, you get a GREAT teacher), but I've always been interested in mental illnesses, analyses and the like.

Probably the important part about psych vs. comm is that in a psych class, you really have to think outside the box, and not only memorize facts, but really delve in and come up with your own hypotheses about things. Communications, I learned, is more about teaching you how to use software (Dreamweaver, InDesign, etc), and how to write in a strict news format. If I were to return to the comm major, I would focus solely on journalism writing, to get away from the computer aspect of it.

The advertising and marketing classes in the comm major are very, very time-consuming, but with little intellectual exercise. So it's not that you're studying, but rather completing projects and developing faux ad campaigns. I got burned out quickly on that busy work with no intellectually creative output. I like to do deep thinking and decide where I stand on something that may have multiple views and perspectives. When I don't have that option (ie. in an advertising class), I tend to get bored. I think psych is going to fit much better. I'm excited to keep learning how people tick, and especially when I become a lawyer, that element is going to be important.

One species in particular that scares the living crap out of me, but also makes me intensely curious, albeit from a distance, is the sociopath. Highly manipulative, no sense of right or wrong, and no guilt felt, ever, they're a rare and dangerous breed. For this reason, they're a sexy additive to most crime shows at one point or another, and my reaction to these characters is, I think, how horror-film junkies feel when they're watching a good one. It's the shiver running down the back of your neck, the paranoid looking over your shoulder, even when you're quite aware there's just the wall. But the idea that this world is right here, 2 feet away from you on the screen, it's a bit of an adrenaline rush.

I'll smoothly transition on that note into my next topic here at Lindsey's House of Ramble. I was talking to a friend the other day about rock climbing, and I mentioned how I loved the rush, but I'm really not normally an adrenaline junkie. He pointed out that I had just said, essentially, that I was. And it got me thinking. I've spent most of my life being the one kid who's worried someone's gonna hurt themselves, and doing whatever I can to avoid those team-building tree-climbing activites at leadership camp. When guys do backflips off the pool diving board at a party, I'm always the one who's shouting, "now wait a minute before you jump, make sure he's out of the way!" That's me. Ever cautious, ever avoiding danger, ever avoiding risk. But in the past few years, I've really started breaking out of that little zone. I started rock climbing. Granted it's been a while, because my climbing buddy moved and I had a stress fracture last summer, but I'm still into it. I plan to keep it up when I go back to school, and a major motivation for my current diet and exercise plan is to be strong and light enough to really get into climbing.

There was this point about 14 months ago where I suddenly stopped being scared of physical activities. Maybe it wasn't "sudden," but I started saying yes when people asked me to do that I've always avoided out of fear of embarrassment or injury. Climbing, running, four-wheeling, swimming, etc. And I've learned that I really like that rush I get from it. Does that make me an adrenaline junkie? I think it just makes me ALIVE. But there's this moment I clearly remember, when I was top-rope climbing for the first time at the EWU climbing wall, and I'd gotten really high. When I start to climb, there's this zone, or rhythm I hit, where I just zero in and keep climbing until I can't go anymore. So all of a sudden, I looked down and I was really high up. I wasn't scared, but I was ready to come down. In order to do that though, I had to let go of the wall, and trust in the rope and my partner. I distinctly remember this rush of, not fear, but thrill, and of freedom as I pushed off the wall. It was overwhelming and I remember getting a little giddy about it. Like I had conquered the world. My world. I felt that way when I first went skydiving, except here, it was much more real, because I knew I could climb right back up and feel that again. That's why I love climbing. Running is fun and relaxing, but I don't get the same rush of accomplishment from a route well-climbed. So maybe I am a bit of an adrenaline lover, but I don't think I'm an adrenaline junkie, yet. I think I still have too much caution in me to really go over the edge.

The Litigators by John Grisham book review

Allow me, for a moment, to pursue another avenue. A book review, thanks to the digital media download options at my library, which lets me digitally "borrow" books like The Litigators for a 2-week period on my Kindle.

I've been reading John Grisham's legal thrillers since I was 12 years old. Always a precocious child, I enjoyed the legal tap dancing and quick wit. I'll note though, that having re-read books over the years, there's quite a bit of offbeat humor and nuance that I (thankfully) missed when I was younger! Nonetheless, I've enjoyed his writing for more than half of my life, and The Litigators certainly ranks as a new favorite.

With a wryly painted picture, and a lightheartedly satirical view, from which no members of the legal process are safe, we have The Litigators. Even the title itself is an irony, indicating that the main characters may actually be experienced at, well, litigating. After a slice-of-life view of the Finley & Figg Law Firm, a rather ostentatious title for a small operation, we open with a big-firm lawyer in the midst of a "snap" or nervous breakdown. After exiting the elevator at his workfloor, he quite literally dives back through the closing door at the last second, in an effort to find relief from the panic attack he's enduring. Thus begins the tale of David's journey as a depressed corporate lackey in a sweatshop firm to a content and happy third wheel of a two-man "boutique firm" in a rickety converted house, with partners who have failed the bar exam multiple times. It's a fascinating riches-to-rags story, not unlike The Street Lawyer, but with an upbeat, energetic spin that makes us root for David and his new pals at every turn, while laughing at the webs they tangle themselves up in.

The book is filled with sharp humor that literally makes one laugh out loud, and cracks are taken at everyone, from wealthy, jet-flying tort lawyers to unabashedly lower-caste ambulance chasers, even a legal malpractice lawyer (an odd breed, to be sure), as well as judges, corporations, even the plaintiffs. What's more though, is that we might as well be sitting in that courtroom, for the detail he pours into the scenery and fleshing out numerous personalities.

The great thing about The Litigators is that, after several years of Grisham testing his creative limits with "eh" books like Ford County and A Painted House, he is finally returning to the legal thriller genre he pioneered in the 90s. Those who love the cynical wittiness of The Rainmaker and the vivid characters of The Firm will feel the tones not only echoed, but reinvented in The Litigators.

Reading The Litigators feels like returning home. Grisham is back, baby, and this fan is already excited for the next book.

Losing weight feels good

So I've been on the Nutrisystem diet for just over a week now, and I already have more energy than I'm used to. As well, I've already lost a pound, and after hovering between sizes for a while, I'm firmly in the lower size. I've only worked out twice though, as I'm letting my body acclimate to the calorie level. I'm ramping it up this next week though.

Five Fast (diet) Findings:

1. The best thing about this diet is that I HAVE to eat everything provided, because it all adds up to exactly 1200 calories. There's no guilt over eating something anymore, because I HAVE to eat it! It's amazing, when I think about what I ate, I don't have to feel any shame for splurging on something unhealthy or sweet. As well, I've stopped trying justify poor eating choices to myself, because there's now a firm, hard line on what's allowed and what's not. Spinach is allowed, Taco Bell is not, end of story. It's surprisingly comforting to have such ironclad rules, especially since I've always WANTED to lose weight, just never had enough willpower to enforce the rules on my own.

2. The fresh-frozen foods are not great. Ironically, they're part of the "gourmet" plan, and they cost more. Even if they didn't cost more, I'd advise against it. I'm downgrading my plan next month to only receive the ready-to-eat meals that need no refrigeration. Not only do I have yet to really find a frozen meal that I love, but whenever I microwave or heat the meal, it tends to not work properly. I put a Turkey Pepperoni Pizza in the oven, and it burnt the cheese on the outside, but the cheese in the middle didn't melt all the way. So I put it in the microwave (a brand-new one, mind you), and it was the same thing, like the cheese itself isn't meltable or something. So far, none of the frozen meals have really gone through the cooking process smoothly. My ready-to-eat foods, though, taste delicious, and I'd much rather have a Flame-Broiled Burger than the Glazed Chicken Tenders (blech). The one that I did enjoy was the Ravioli Formaggio, but it's not enough to keep me paying an additional $75!

3. The Fudge Graham Bar is probably the most incredible thing I've ever eaten. I'm serious. It's soo delicious. And even though it's just a bar, I still feel full afterward (a rarity for my stomach), because there's so much flavor. I only ordered 4 this month and you better believe I'm ordering a bunch next month.

4. On that note, getting bars for both breakfasts and lunches on this diet is important, I didn't realize that before. Here's the deal: I'm a person that normally skips breakfast and lunch, munches around suppertime, then eats a large dinner. No wonder I weigh more than I'd like, I do the exact opposite of everything I'm supposed to do. Anyway, what I've been noticing is that on busy days, I have a tough time carving out time to eat since I've never done it before, especially with breakfast items like the bagel or chocolate muffin, because you need to put cream cheese on the bagel, and the chocolate muffin is so messy that I don't want to eat it in front of other people. Lame, I know, but I'm also your basic self-conscious-about-food overweight person. SOO, I'm ordering breakfast bars next month. They're mess-free, and I can eat one while I'm driving to church, or walking to class. Same with lunch. There are quite a few lunch bars on the Nutrisystem menu, and they are easy to toss in my purse and eat while I'm shopping or running errands. Again, since I'm not used to making the time to eat 3 squares a day, whatever I can do to make that happen more smoothly, I'm all for it.

5. It's much easier to say no to non-approved foods. We had root beer floats at a group activity tonight, and it took me about 5 seconds to remember I can't have it, and walk away from the table. Had I not been on the Nutrisystem diet, I would have easily had "just a small one." But I had dinner and dessert to look forward to, and with an exact 1200-calorie diet, I don't have room for another 200 calories in a dumb root beer float. I've never counted calories before, and I don't have to now, as long as I follow all of the snack guidelines, but I am more aware now that every item NOT within my diet has significantly more calories than I need to eat.

Anyway. A friend on the HCG diet has suggested that I do HCG to lose a bunch of weight now, then go back on the Nutrisystem diet after that, but I really am pretty skeptical. I don't doubt that people lose a lot of weight on the HCG diet (I've known several people who dropped weight like water on it), but I've spent several months building up good muscle tone, and I don't want to risk losing it. I don't like the idea of being lightheaded either, it seems like medically-induced anorexia. As well, I love not having to cook or prepare food beyond the 1-minute microwave time, and reverting back, even for stuff like tomato soup on the HCG diet, does not sound good to me, even if it's only 26 days. Plus, being on a 1200-calorie diet is just right to train me how to eat smaller portions. A 500-calorie diet seems restrictive enough for me to pack the weight right back on later. But it really boils down to cost. I think if I had a lot more money in the bank, I'd try the HCG diet for a bit, but I think the cost is too high to take the risk. Nutrisystem is a much more solid gamble. Plus, I am in the camp that believes weight loss is a marathon, not a sprint.

Editing to add this:

What I really want from weight loss is to get to a size where, when people learn that I'm 25 and single, they don't think anything of it, except that maybe she hasn't met the right one yet, or she must be focusing on things other than finding a husband. Currently, I feel like people think, even if they don't mean to, that I'm not attractive enough to be married, because that's how I feel sometimes. Even if people DON'T think that, every single girl who has ever weighed more than she likes has thought that about herself at one point or another. It's how our minds work. As well, I tend to like guys who are, well, good-looking. I think they used to be closer to the same league as me, when I was thinner, but now, they are definitely in a class above me. I'm still attracted to those guys though. I'd like to feel like I'm in the same class, looks-wise, as the guys I tend to like. Shallow? Yes. But there it is. This is my blog, so I guess I have to be honest from time to time.

You definitely won't starve on the Nutrisystem diet

So I took the plunge. I signed up for Nutrisystem. I learned last week that I was going to be receiving a very large tax return, right at the same time I learned I'm going moving to go to college in April, less than 2 months away. I really want to lose weight before that happens, so it's either this or a weight loss resort, as I already work out regularly and food intake is my only dilemma.

My biggest problem in weight loss has always been food. I don't like cooking for one person. It takes forever, longer than the actual eating part, and it uses the same number of dishes as cooking for a full family, but I'm the only one cleaning up. I also don't like a number of "healthy" foods, like vegetables. Unfortunately, that tends to translate into my poor eating habits of spending all day trying in vain to figure out something to eat, then finally giving up at 5 or 6pm and grabbing some fast food. And since I haven't eaten all day, I tend to eat more than necessary. This has been a problem for years.

That's why Nutrisystem is actually a great program for me. I already work out regularly, so this is just helping me manage my food. I'm on day 3 now, so I'll catch you up on my activities.

Every day, we are supposed to eat Breakfast (entree, protein shake), Snack (PowerFuel, own purchase), Lunch (entree, PowerFuel), Snack, (SmartCarb, own purchase), Dinner (entree, SmartCarb), and Dessert (entree). On top of that, you're supposed to eat 4 servings of non-starchy vegetables and drink 8+ cups of water.

The only food I have so far is the ready-to-go food, which doesn't require any refrigeration. I ordered it late Wednesday night, and it arrived Saturday afternoon by FedEx. Extremely quick. My frozen foods were only shipped out yesterday, so who knows when I'll get them.

Day 1: I had church today and was runnning late, so I ate my Double Chocolate Muffin in the car. It was fantastic. Great start to the program, despite my skipping the protein shake. I originally planned to have string cheese for my snack, but I didn't check the fridge beforehand, and my dad had finished off the family stock of them, so I skipped my snack today.

After returning home, I ate lunch, the Vanilla protein shake from breakfast, low-fat Yoplait yogurt, and the Three Cheese Pasta with Chicken. It came in a little Instant Ramen-sized round container, and I was supposed to add water, put in the microwave for a minute...then let sit for 8-9 minutes. They're not kidding about that either. I may have started eating a mite early, and the chicken was tough, the pasta still hard. A few minutes later though, it softened up and was edible. Still, I didn't like it. It was full of broccoli pieces (blech) and the chicken tasted a little dry. I think if I liked broccoli, this would be just fine, but there are other lunch options out there. I'm not getting this next month.

Snack was a small wheat roll that my mother had fortuitously finished baking about 10 minutes prior.

Dinner was the Grilled Chicken Breast on another wheat roll, with mixed greens (from a tub, like at the grocery store) stacked on it. AMAZING. Be warned though, it sure doesn't look like the picture. It's fairly small, and sealed in a packet much like tuna might be, because it doesn't need to be refrigerated. I stuck it in the oven for about 5 minutes, then plopped it on my "sandwich." Despite its appearances, it was delicious. Moist, flavorful, didn't need any condiments (good thing, because they're pretty restricted on this diet), and I felt full afterward. I'm getting more of these next month.

Dessert was the Zesty Herb Snack Mix, which I ate along with my sandwich. I actually really liked this one. It has more flavor than Chex Mix, and the pieces are small, which makes one feel like they're eating a lot. I'm getting more of these too. I drank water throughout the day, and instead of snacking before bed, I just continued to drink water. I felt full, and that's a key position with the Nutrisystem diet.

Day 2: I woke up late, so I moved the times of my meals to a bit later. I had the Chocolate Frosted Donut for breakfast with a Strawberry protein shake. The donut was super weird, it looked kinda plastic and EXACTLY like the picture. It tasted alright, but certainly not like the donuts I'm used to eating. I'll probably pass on this next month. The strawberry protein shake was really good.

For a snack, I had one of those Buddig lunchmeat packages, it's 2 oz, which is what I'm allowed for a PowerFuel. I put mixed greens on each slice and rolled them up like a tortilla. I have to slip in those mixed greens where I can, because I can't make a salad and slather them in ranch or honey mustard like I used to. It's 1 tablespoon of dressing, or vinaigrette.

Lunch was the Cheesy Homestyle Potatoes Mix. (also in the round Ramen-type container) and yogurt. The mashed potatoes also had broccoli, but no chunks, so it was bearable. Still, not really a fan. I'll probably pass on this too next month.

At dinnertime, I had a karaoke night with friends and was running late, so I grabbed a slice of wheat bread as my snack, then planned to eat dinner when I got home. We went to a sushi place, and someone ordered edamame, the little green bean-type pods, but you slide out the beans with your teeth and discard the shell. I'd never tried them, and normally, I would have ordered something else, but I ended up having several of the endame pods, since a) I couldn't eat anything else on the menu, and b) I could count them as my SmartCarb for dinner. As it turns out, they weren't bad. So score one for Nutrisystem changing my eating habits. I drank a lot of water too, so eating out was not a problem.

When I got home, I made an Italian Herb Flatbread Pizza. It's kind of like a Lunchable pizza, you spread the sauce on from a packet, and sprinkle the cheese on top, then nuke it for a minute. It wasn't fabulous, but it wasn't bad either. I'll order this next month. I ate it with the Cheese Puffs, which were not quite as tasty as Cheetos. They were small and a little crunchier than I'd prefer, and definitely had some wheat in there. They weren't terrible and if this was the only option I'd be fine, but I'd rather get more of the herb snack mix next month. Overall, a decent day. It's kind of fun anticipating my next mealtime so I can try out a new entree.

Day 3: That's today. I started off with a vanilla protein shake and a Cinnamon Bun, which was as weirdly plastic-looking as the donut, with icing perfectly, evenly spread all over the top. I took one bite, realized it was super-hard, then noticed on the package that I'm supposed to microwave it. Oops. So I tossed it in there for 10 seconds as per the instructions. It wasn't bad, but I'll definitely do this one for 15-20 seconds next time. Overall not bad, but probably not my first choice either. I'm about to eat my first snack, probably yogurt. I'll get some string cheese tonight.

So far, I'm absolutely LOVING this Nutrisystem diet. I love not wondering about what I'm going to eat, and I get enough choice to feel like I have options (which I do, tons of them), but not so much that I get overwhelmed and give in to fast food. Overall, the sometimes-interesting taste of the food is balanced by the convenience of this program, and I think once I try all of the food, I'll have plenty of good options to choose from.

Five Fast Findings

1. Any reason why so many "prom dresses" are advertised by models who are definitely not high school age, or even remotely appropriate? Also, any reason why 90% of said "prom dresses" make ANYONE wearing it look like they need a street corner to stand on? Seriously. Mothers PAY for these dresses for their little girl to wear! No wonder prom night has such a bad rep.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

(note that a lot of high schools not existing within a reality show or teen drama don't even allow dresses that expose the midriff like this)

2. Anyone who likes to read and has not yet purchased a Kindle, run, do not walk, to Amazon.com. I got a Kindle Touch for Christmas, and it is one of my best friends. It has almost as many accessories now as my dog (including cozies hand-knitted by moi). My local library also has a digital library where I can "borrow" books on my Kindle for 14 days. It's awesome.

3. At my church, we are organizing a speed friending night. It's like speed dating, only you meet new friends instead of dates. The one difficulty for my detail-oriented self was trying to figure out how to make sure everyone meets each other. Originally, we were just going to have people rotate around a long table (made up of several shorter tables), and talk with the person across from them, but (several paper models and diagrams later..) it turns out they will only meet half of the people that way, skipping every other person. So I finally researched and tested the solution: One lucky duck never moves, and everyone rotates around him. They eventually end up having sat across from each person once. I'm thinking I'll raffle off that one special chair, maybe get a good bribe in the process. I kid, I kid. mostly.

4. I hate cold weather. My parents keep the house at a toasty 65 degrees, which means that by 7pm, I'm sitting in bed, surrounded by down comforters, trying to stay warm and being completely unproductive, as getting anything done would require leaving my cocoon. Hello, Netflix.

5. One thing I can do in bed is knit. I use a variety of plastic-peg knitting looms (round ones, mostly, like the Knifty Knitter brand) to make different sizes of hats. The idea is that I'll donate them once I find an organization. At this time, I'll either donate them to a Romanian orphanage, or to the Cheyenne River Youth Project in South Dakota. It's a youth center for kids on the Cheyenne River Reservation, of which I'm a tribal member. Winters get pretty windy and chilly there in Eagle Butte, SD, so perhaps my hats will be needed. I've got a stack of them about 3 feet high now, tres cool.