A 21st century look at Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century

I loved Disney channel as a kid. The awesomeness of Disney Channel Original Movies was probably one of the highlights of growing up in the late 90s/early 2000s. I recently found Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century on Amazon Instant for only $5.99 (yes, to purchase the whole movie). Sold. I hadn't watched this movie since I was around 14-15, but I remembered a lot of it. Still, watching it from the perspective of a 29-year-old woman on January 1, 2017, I had a lot of random thoughts, as I watched the movie:

1. So she records like an hour-long video wake-up message every night before bed?? Who has time for that? And who wants to wake up to their own voice and face?

2. Ugh on how all the outfits are like cheapo plasticky halloween costumes from Walmart. Synthetic fibers like polyester, spandex, and lycra must be all that's left in 2049.

3. Did Facetime become a thing before or after this movie?

4. It's cute and sad how Zenon accuses her friend of being "cynical" for speculating that Mr. Wyndom is all about money. That's just fact, dudes. No one should be surprised by that.

5. Ahh. I remember the days when people thought CDs would get smaller. Instead, they just disappeared altogether. Adorable.

6. She's a rude little 13-year-old. Why does she think that Mr. Lutz couldn't possibly have any reason to be around the data banks? Could it possibly be that he, like, works for the president of the company OPERATING the space station?? Of course, because it's a movie, she has to be right, but this feels like a major plot hole from my grownup perspective. 

7. Wow, she's a REALLY rude 13-year-old. The president of the company that employs her parents and pays for her place to live just kindly gave her a ride down to Earth but she has the nerve to snark at him when he goes to help her up, then after he politely shows her where to meet her aunt, she has the nerve to tell him he's a shady mofo? to his face?? Frickin 13-year-olds. They never change. I probably acted just like that at 13, but now at my age, I'd have slapped her.

8. Mr. Lutz is a creeper. And why does he automatically know that her earring is his missing doomsday virus disc? Like, aren't there millions of discs lying around, looking exactly like that one??

9. I think Margie is a rude girl too and doesn't have much of a leg to stand on in making fun of Zenon's outfit. But I think the Earth society as a whole probably has a right to make fun of her el cheapo polyester crap. It's not the style, it's the quality that bugs me the most. But. Gotta love the 90s.

10. Aunt Judy should probably seek therapy for her whole fear-of-doing-anything deal. It was kind of a knife to my own heart though when Zenon bluntly asked why she's never gotten married or had kids. Geez. Ouch major. However, minus the little rude girl attitude, I could see how Zenon's take-action personality is a good influence sometimes.

11. MAN Zenon is rude. That guy that likes her for some weird reason has been nothing but kind to her and she rips his head off every chance she gets. I'd have pushed her in the pool too.

12. Why are all the kids computer geniuses, but the adults apparently seem to be technologically deficient? Especially considering most of the computers are like mid-90s vintage? Also, the old-school MS Paint graphics are pretty sad.

13. Where does her Aunt Judy live anyway? They see an ocean on the horseback ride, but her Aunt also said that this wasn't one of the "big cities" like New York or LA. None of the surroundings look very East Coast anyway. And the architecture looks suspiciously familiar. If I had to guess, I'd say this is Pacific Northwest, like Seattle, which would make sense as it IS a tech hub with Microsoft and all.(doo doo doo *pause video) Okay, so according to Google, it was filmed in Vancouver, BC, though none of the plot summaries specifically say where the setting is supposed to be. Plus, given that they were teaching in the beginning of the movie about "President Chelsea Clinton," it seems like this is still supposed to be in the United States. Even if Vancouver is the setting, it's still part of the Pacific Northwest, so I'm considering my guess a win.

14. Geez. Why is she ordering so much food? And she didn't offer to pay her half, even after he specifically commented on how expensive she is?

15. You know, this movie did a decent job of hitting the diversity goals. There's not just one, but multiple black kids with speaking roles and computer genius characters. Not bad, 1999 Disney.

16. Mr. Lutz is SUCH a creeper. Nice suit. And putting the agreement in writing? How cute.

17. So the blocking chip on her datapad was like, a legit, physical chip?? What are we, cavemen?

18. Raven Symone has the greatest facial expressions and reactions. She was hilariously underappreciated on this movie.

19. Again, why does it take a 13-year-old to fix the whole space station? What about the entire cadre of scientists onboard??

20. Greg's shirts are classic 90s oversized, loudly-patterned polyester button-ups. Scary.

21. By the way, how do all of these 13-year-olds know how to drive? And WHY ARE THERE NO SELF-DRIVING CARS???? Guess Elon Musk didn't exist in this timeline.

22. I forgot how hot Proto Zoa is. He can even pull off the 90s bleach job. The nerdy weird dance just before boarding kind of killed it though.

23. "Cheeky little scamp, isn't she?" -Proto Zoa, on Zenon. I'd say that about sums up the whole movie.

24. I'm just loving all the cardboardy computer panels and stations.

25. So this whole thing is just an insurance fraud scam? What kind of insurance policy can you possibly buy for a whole SPACE STATION?? And wouldn't the space station falling out of the sky tank his company's reputation and stock prices??

26. Nice how she arrogantly turns around to take a bow at the saving the space station thing. I can't even see past her enormous head. And everyone fawning all over her is not going to motivate her to be less of a cocky rude girl in the future.

27. Omg. The lyrics on this song are horrific and awful. And nice cheesy electronic drum track. Hmm. He is not that great of a singer. The whole performance has tarnished my memory of this song.

Aside from the negative takeaways, this movie was fun to watch again. Mainly because I remembered so much of the main plot points and conversations, but forgot all of the details, which are the most fun to see. It did make me realize though how growing up takes away a bit of the fun of these movies. Now I react to risky stuff as a mom type, not a kid type. Sigh.